That's How You Lose The Long Game
by closetromantic07
Summary: It takes them 10 years to finally end the game on a love that was 15 years in the making. (one-shot) Joshaya.


Hello! I'm new to writing GMW stories, but I'm happy to bring this out here. I'm obviously a big Joshaya fan, and I'd always wish their story blossomed more than it did on the show. This is long because I might not be able to commit to a new chaptered story, so please stick to it until the end. Thank you and please leave me your thoughts! Hope you like it, enjoy! Please note that the numbers refer to Maya's age at the time.

Disclaimer: I do not own Girl Meets World nor the characters from the show.

* * *

 **That's How You Lose The Long Game**

* * *

 ** _Nine_**

She was nine years old when she first meets him.

It was Thanksgiving, and her mother was going to work the night shift in the diner. So when her bubbly best friend found out, Riley made sure that she was going to spend Thanksgiving dinner at her place and her parents more than welcomed Maya to their dinner. They've been so kind to her since she had become Riley's best friend, short of taking her in like their own daughter, and she appreciated them from the bottom of her heart (even if she showed it through her tough and sarcastic exterior). She always wondered what it would be like to be an actual part of their family.

Then she actually met the rest of the Matthews family. As a kid, she was surprised to see so many people in one living room—aside from the usual Matthews, there were Riley's grandparents (her grandmother constantly pinched her cheeks, they were so painful), Riley's uncle Eric (she thought he was a weirdo), aunt Morgan (who loved to play with baby Auggie), and then there was her uncle Josh.

Maya found it strange to have an uncle just three years older than you were. Weren't uncles supposed to be way older? Like Cory Matthews _old_? But there he was—Riley called him 'uncle' and it was weird.

"Uncle Joshie!" called Riley. Josh makes his way to the middle of the living room where his niece and his best friend sat, playing a board game. "Meet my friend, Maya."

The older brunette smiled at her. He was cute, she thought, a lot taller than most boys in her class.

"Hi," Maya greeted, raising her small hand awkwardly as if waving at him.

"Hey," was all he said before dropping down to the carpet, crossing his legs like they were. "What are you playing, Riley?"

"The Game of Life," little Riley answered. "You wanna play?"

"Sure," he responded. "How do you play?"

Maya shrugs. "We have no idea. We've just been rolling the dice, and I've been winning."

"That's because you change the dice to 'six' all the time," pouts Riley.

"How else do you win?" she asked, an innocent tone in her voice.

"You just let the dice roll as it is, and see where it takes you!"

Maya gives her a confused look. "So you're just going to let your life run on luck? But not everyone's that lucky, Riles."

"It's a game!"

There was a laugh that came from the other player in their circle. Maya heard Josh laugh for the first time, and she doesn't know if it's because she makes his niece annoyed or because of the silliness of their conversation. But he doesn't tell her why he laughed, not until later on in their lives when she's long forgotten about what she had said. A small blush crept on her cheeks, a little embarrassed for saying something that doesn't make sense in front of an eleven-year-old.

"Well, I don't know how to play either," Josh said after he's stopped laughing. "Let's just play something else."

"I know!" A wide goofy grin appeared on Riley's face, and Maya knew what that meant. Immediately she got on her foot, ready to stand up when Riley reaches out to the older boy and shouts, "Uncle Josh, you're _it_!"

Taken by surprise, by the time he realizes what's happening, both girls are running behind the couches giggling. "Hey!" he shouted as he stood, getting ready to corner the girls.

"Kids, be careful!" warned Topanga who was in the kitchen with Amy Matthews preparing the mashed potato. "Watch where you're running around!"

But the kids had long forgotten about her as they try to avoid and likewise chase each other around. Using his longer limbs, Josh was able to run after his niece when she found herself in a tight spot by the living room's bay window. "Gotchu, you little twerp!"

Screaming, Riley was tagged by the older Matthews. She immediately ran to tag Maya who was using Cory Matthews as a shield, much to his discomfort, finding an opening and tapping her hard on the hip. "You're it, Maya!"

"No!" yelled Maya playfully.

Riley had already started running to the kitchen table when Maya got around Cory. She spotted Josh by the couch, cockily grinning at her. _She found her target_. As she ran toward the couch and around it, Josh mirrored her movements and moved to the back of the couch laughing. Taunted, Maya stepped on the couch to jump over it, grabbing Josh from behind and locking her arms around his neck, and her legs around his waist.

"Ha!" she boasted.

Shocked, he tried to shake her off by moving around in circles. "What are you? A ferret?" He can hear the adults, as well as Riley, laughing at the sight of him and Maya. "Get off!"

It was then that Maya realized, that was the most fun she had in Thanksgiving in a long time.

* * *

 ** _Thirteen_**

"Boing!" was all she could say when he walked in. It had been four years, four Thanksgivings ago that she had last seen her best friend's young uncle, and boy, did he grow up fine. She must have ogled at him because Riley gave her a funny look.

Riley laughed, finding Maya adorable. "That's my uncle, Maya."

"Cool, I'd be your aunt," the blonde grinned.

The brunette's laugh made a nervous turn as they watch the family welcome Josh, Alan and Amy. After Josh had made pleasantries to his family, Riley and Maya came over to greet him.

"Uncle, Josh!" greets Riley.

"Uncle, Josh!" Maya dove in for a hug.

He's taken by surprise, but he doesn't bother to remove her arms from around his waist. "I'm not your uncle, Maya," corrects Josh.

"Even better."

She finally releases her grip on him and they finally meet eye to eye for the first time in years. "Um, it's been a while."

"Sure has," she grins in a mischievous smile.

"Well," he says nervously, scratching the back of his head. "You grew up gorgeous."

He doesn't wait for her to respond as he quickly makes his way to the kitchen, and Maya turns to grin at Riley.

"You are not going to be my aunt," she declared. But Maya had already tuned her out the moment Josh stepped into the room.

* * *

 ** _Fifteen_**

There was a phase in Maya's life, one that she would consider as the one that tested her friendship with Riley, wherein they liked the same guy—Lucas Friar. She didn't know when, neither did she know why, but they got sucked into a love triangle that not even Cory Matthews prepared them for. But such was life.

So when they decided that the Triangle had to end, one way or the other, it was in the Mount Sun Lodge during the Nature Club's hiking trip. Josh agreed to chaperone as a favor to his brother, and also because who would refuse a free hiking trip to the beautiful outdoors. It was also the first time he sees her in months.

He hadn't expected that he would be the go-to person of these high school kids to have talks about feelings they don't quite understand yet (and quite frankly, neither did he). But he helped where he could. He tried to explain to his niece his thoughts on how she and her best friend could like the same boy (of course, all just theoretical). And then there was Lucas (who, for a moment, was an insecure western hero). Finally, Maya decided she needed him to tell her what he knows, so in the middle of a game of "Who Belongs With Whom?" she surprises everyone around when she grabs Josh's hands and drags him to the bay window. He finds that he's more than willing to be dragged along by her.

"Tell me what you know right now," she ordered as they sat, her hands still in his.

"I'm a lot younger than my brothers and my sister," he started, allowing a girl three years younger than him order him around.

"So? They won't have a relationship with you either," her eyes fluttered as she kept a straight face in spite of her joke.

"So I spent a lot of time just watching them."

"So far we're still talking about you and me."

He laughed, finding it hard to be annoyed at her teasing. "Stop it," he managed to say, even though he knew she would never stop teasing him like that. So instead, biting his lower lip, he continued, "I've learned to be pretty good at observing people, understanding what's going on with them?" She gestures for him to go on. Unsure, he asked, "You sure you're ready to hear this?"

"Right now."

"Even if it's bad for me?"

"Right now," she insisted.

He paused. "What I observed about you is that you are the best friend anyone could ever have." He watched her expression soften at his words, and he found his own honesty as he let the words come out of his mouth. "Maybe it's because your dad left, maybe it's because you never felt that loved, but it gave you the greatest capacity for love that I have ever seen."

When he's finished, she doesn't say anything. "Say that again," she whispered, breathless.

His brows furrowed. "What, you didn't understand it?"

She shakes her head. "No, I understood it. Say it again, say it fifty times, say it in French." He laughed amused, telling her that she heard him the first time, and she thanks him nonetheless for his kind words. Then she says, "But you're wrong, it's Riley that's the best friend you could ever have."

"I know," he smiled. Turning his own compliment into something to good to say about Riley just reaffirms what he's already known all along about Maya. "What I've also noticed, Maya, is that you've care about Riley so much for so long that the moment she starts to care about somebody else," he heard her say Lucas' name, interrupting him, but he continued, "you needed to protect her." He further explained how all her actions were done in order to protect Riley. "Well, let's see, alright? You lose yourself and become like her so you get to know him like she knows him. What a great way to see if he's good enough for your best friend."

It takes her a while to fully grasp what he was saying, and now she thinks she's understood what happened (or at least she somehow did). But what is clear to her is just how much she cared and loved her best friend, and everything she's done, she did it for her, even if it didn't make sense.

"I don't like Lucas like that," she said after the realization.

"How do you know?"

She slightly shrugged. "I went out with him one time, poured a smoothie on his head."

He laughed imagining what kind of date that must have been. "In a cute romantic way?"

"No," she laughed as she remembered. "In a he's-so-nice-I-wanted-to-mess-him-up kind of way." She paused. "He's perfect for Riley," Maya concluded knowing now what she knows from being Riley.

"How do you feel now?" he asked.

"I feel like if you know me at all, then you know the last thing I will ever do is want anything that was Riley's," she answered. He didn't need to ask why because he already knew the answer, but he did anyway to make her realize it herself. "Because I love her. I always have. And she loves me, we would never take from each other, and there's nothing that could ever happen to change that."

Though he would never tell her, everything he learned about her that day amazed him.

"And why is this bad for you?" she pondered, asking about his earlier statement.

He contemplated not answering her question, for his own good, but seeing as how honest she's been so far, he thought it wouldn't be fair. "That it isn't Lucas that you like, that you remember who you are now," his voice trailed.

And her expression was as if a light bulb lit up above her head. "That conversation is the most important part of any good relationship, that you and I just had another amazing one?" This time, he doesn't answer her averting his gaze from hers, but the growing smile he couldn't control gave him away. "Josh," she said.

"What?"

"Why have you let me hold on to your hand this whole entire time?" she asked simply, showing his their still locked hands.

He's speechless. "I don't know," was all he could offer. "I don't know everything."

But she didn't mind that he didn't have an answer, it was enough for her that he still didn't let go of her hand.

"But what I do know," he said. "Is that you should talk to Lucas and tell him what you know."

She nods allowing him to finally let go of her hand so that she can find the cowboy and have the conversation that was long overdue. As he watched her go find the western hero, he makes his way back to his room knowing he had a lot to think about. In the room of the chaperones, he's surprised to find Topanga there.

"Hey, Josh," she greeted him, only momentarily taking her eyes from her laptop. Much as she had work to do for her firm, she really didn't want Cory to go to the ski lodge without her, so she gets some work done whenever she has some free time. "Everything alright?"

"Uh," he said as he plops down on the side of his single bed. "Can I ask you a question?"

The uncertainty in his voice makes Topanga drop what she was doing, she would always make time for family. "What's on your mind?"

"Certain people have been asking me today how to interpret their own, and others', feelings," he started to explain, eyeing his sister-in-law where she laid down on the queen sized bed she shared with Cory. "And I try to answer them the best I can. But," he paused, trying to formulate the question in his head. "Does that mean I'm also supposed to know what my own feelings mean?"

Topanga set her laptop aside and dropped her legs in order to face Josh, examining the confused expression on his face. "Does this have anything to do the three-headed creeping triangle," she said mimicking her husband's tone. "And by triangle I mean a specific person involved therein?"

He somehow expected Topanga to read him well, his sister-in-law being one of the most perceptive persons he knew, although it still surprised him when she did. "It may…" he let his voice be vague.

The high-powered lawyer in her didn't buy it, but she didn't prod any further. "Well, honey, if you understood what you were feeling at every moment of your life, where's the fun in that?" she asked, understanding in her tone. "That's what being young is for. You have a lot of time to decipher those feelings."

"Isn't it scary?" he asked, because he knew it was. Feelings can be great, but it can also ruin people, and that's why they are the scariest things in the world, especially those feelings you can't identify. "What if we're wrong about those feelings?"

She smiled kindly. "Remember what Cory told you when you were still a child?" But he wasn't sure which particular one she was referring to. "Even when you're not a little boy anymore, you're still going to make mistakes. But that's okay."

"Is it?"

Topanga nodded reassuringly. "Of course. You've got us to help you along the way." She stood up to bring his young brother-in-law into a hug. "Just… do good."

He smiled in spite of himself.

When he goes back out, he stopped in his tracks when he sees Maya and Lucas by the fireplace, finally having their important conversation.

"Okay, Huckleberry," he heard her say as he leans into the doorframe that led to the common area. "If you care about me, here's what you do. Go find Riley, tell her you love her."

"Love her?"

She flicked away his imaginary apprehension as if it were in the air around them. "Just say it, we like it."

"Thank you," the blonde Texan says, giving Maya a tight hug.

"What are friends for?"

After the exchange, Lucas goes off as instructed, looking for Josh's niece (he thinks he probably shouldn't tell Cory that they had finally settled the triangle, and that his one and only daughter was about to have her first boyfriend). Josh slowly made his way to where she say, sitting on the table behind her.

"What do you want?" she accused when she caught him creeping up.

"Me? I was just standing there watching that whole thing."

"Yeah, we get it. You watch stuff," she grumbled. "So what do you thing?"

He took the empty space beside her. "I thought this. For me to ever think I don't need a friend like you in the world just 'cause I'm a little older? That'd make me a lot less mature than I wanna be."

A slow grin made its way on Maya's face. "You know, Boing," her tone sounded mischievous, and he also noted that it's been a while since he heard her address him by that nickname. "There are six weeks out of the year between our birthdays where we're only two years apart. Like, oh I don't know, right now. So, how about this?" she started to propose. "We get to hold hands six weeks out of the year. I'll take it!"

He didn't know where she came up with all of her silly ideas, but he can't help but be amused by her antics. It was what endeared her to him in the first place. "We could do that," he acceded. "Or how about I like my deal better? You once said you were playing the long game."

"I like you, Josh." Her eyes glimmered with sincerity, and it mesmerized him. "It's you I like."

Before he knew it, he was letting his emotions speak for him. "I like you too," he blurted out, and he could see the effects his admission had on her. "And I never want you not to be in my life. So, how 'bout we try this—"

"Boyfriend and girlfriend right now."

"No."

"Boyfriend and girlfriend eventually," she offered. Her eyes brighten when she realizes he doesn't oppose the idea. "You're not saying no? You have to say something."

He rubbed his nose bridge with right hand, trying to cover the chuckle that was to come. "I'll play the long game," he said, voice hitched. And he really hoped that Topanga was right about having enough time to figure out what his feelings were. "Live your life, I'll live my life. I know you're out there, and I'm out there too."

Her smile was infectious. "That's your deal?"

"That's my deal." He held out his hand, signifying his consent to the deal. "Someday?"

"Someday."

/

She holds up her end of the bargain (and continuing to do so). In her second year of high school, she and Zay Babineaux dated for a while (it started out with sitting beside her in the movies they watched with Riley, Lucas, Smackle and Farkle). Maya surprisingly enjoyed his company, especially when all their other friends coupled up. It wasn't long before they realized that their personalities clashed too much to actually pursue a romantic relationship, and that they were better off as friends where they could joke around without things having to mean more than they do.

Maya had two more relationships while she's in high school, experiencing a lot of her relationship firsts—her first kiss was with Zay (it was, to her surprise, not as weird as she thought it would be), her first boyfriend she actually introduced to her parents was Caleb in her junior year (she swore she's never seen Shawn intimidate a man like he did Caleb), and her first time to go all the way was with Chase in her senior year (it was awkward, not like how movies portray them, and weird, and oddly a lot confusing).

And ever since the ski lodge, Josh and Maya only ever brought up their deal once, and it was only a couple of months after they made it. It was something that was, at least to Maya, like an unspoken rule, they didn't need to say it in order for them to know it exists. But somehow, along the way, their 'someday' wasn't something that they waited for anymore, and maybe sometimes they forgot about that they were playing; she lived her life and so did he.

* * *

 ** _Eighteen_**

College was, as her first words when she stepped into campus, 'the bomb'—living at the dorm with Riley as a roommate, going to rush and parties, maybe a football game or two, controlling your class schedules, studying _art_ —Maya was about to have the time of her life. She's now finally in the same university as Josh was. On the other hand, Riley and Lucas decided to maintain a long-distance relationship with the latter going to University of Pennsylvania for their veterinary program. Farkle went to Princeton as his father did, which was a surprise since they all thought he was going with Isadora to Harvard. Zay went back to Texas on a sports scholarship.

The campus was huge, so she doesn't see him as often as you'd expect—maybe sometimes in parties when he decides to drop by (when you've been in college long enough, keggers seem less and less exciting as they come), sometimes on days he invites Riley, and in consequently Maya (because he knows they're a package deal), for breakfast, or on rare occasions on the weekends if he has time to visit his family at Cory's apartment and she happens to be there as well. But when they do, they find themselves talking about anything and everything, just like they normally would all these years, and it's almost as easy as breathing.

"You can't seriously tell me," she tells him, her voice incredulous, "that you're choosing the 76ers over the Knicks?"

They were celebrating Riley's birthday over at the Matthews' apartment. Maya, Katy and Shawn are all in attendance, but Amy and Alan were back in Philly with Morgan and her husband—Morgan couldn't travel since she had a sensitive pregnancy. Josh and Maya find themselves in conversation in the living room couch when Riley and Lucas went down to Topanga's bakery to have some privacy while they catch up.

He laughs at her obvious disbelief in his preference in basketball teams. "I didn't know you liked basketball."

"I don't," she says, crossing her arms as she turns to her left to face the youngest of the Matthews brothers. "But as someone born and raised in New York, our loyalties lie with our sports team. After all, I only need to cheer along when they score goals, right?"

"You mean shoot baskets," Josh points out, mirroring her image by turning to his right, draping his right arm over the back of the couch.

"I don't see how that's relevant," says Maya in her casual tone.

Her complete lack of basketball knowledge, considering her strong feelings of support for the Knicks, amuses him. "Well, going by your argument, I was born and raised in Philly," he states as a matter-of-factly. "It only makes sense that I support the 76ers."

"But you're in New York _now_ ," she argues.

"If it makes any difference, I would support our university's sports teams," he offers.

"Meh," she dismisses. "You're on the soccer team. You're obliged to support the varsity teams."

They had long forgotten how they ended up having discussion on sports and sports teams—something about Cory and Shawn bumping into a New York Giants quarterback and Cory, in a rush wanting to take a picture, tripped on his own feet and fell on top of Shawn in a rather compromising manner. But that's how they always had their conversations—it starts out from a random story from somebody else or even one of their own, one of them comments on something (whether relevant or not), the other adds to the conversation, and pretty soon they would have talked about many other things offshoot from what initially got them talking.

Neither of them minds though. Neither of them would say it out loud either, but they enjoy their little conversations. They were not particularly deep, nor seemingly intellectual or academic, but it was refreshing and easy.

* * *

 ** _Nineteen_**

At the start of the second semester, Josh started dating Athena, a gorgeous red head theatre arts major who demanded most of Josh's time. For this reason, the senior Matthews would bail on their semi-regular breakfast. She was the least friendly of all of Josh's girlfriends so far, opting to be at her own corner, preferably wrapped in her boyfriend's arms, instead of trying to mingle with his friends and family.

If the fact of Josh's new girlfriend bothered Maya, she didn't show. After all, it's not the first girlfriend of his that she's met. Those times that Josh didn't show up for breakfast was just like any other breakfast she spent with her best friend, and she never particularly noticed if he wasn't present in the same parties she went to (they _were_ crowded with people). And it was okay, because when they did see each other, like on his birthday dinner, or when they went to Philly one weekend in April to visit Alan, the Matthews family patriarch who broke his leg, it didn't feel like they haven't seen each other for a long time.

"I don't know why it was such a big deal," Maya huffs while they sit on one of the benches along the hallway of the hospital. Riley had gone back to the house with Eric, Topanga and Auggie, while Cory, Shawn and Morgan were in the hospital room with Alan and Amy. "It's barely even noticeable on my ankle."

Josh looks at the boot-covered ankle, and it takes him a couple of seconds before he realizes he wouldn't be able to see her tattoo over her boots. "What's your tat?"

A small blush crept up her cheeks, and he was generous enough not to point it out. "It's just a few strokes lines," she says, trying to be casual. "It's supposed to be lightning."

He smiles. "Thunder and lightning?"

"Nope, Harry Potter inspired this one," she says with a straight face, but it made him chuckle instead.

"Your design?"

"It's just a few strokes," she downplays. "But yes, I drew it."

"Show me when we get back to the house."

"Sure," she said, a small smile creeping up her lips. "But don't expect anything fancy. I mean, it's even smaller than yours."

He laughs, and it was probably because he wasn't used to her being so bashful on something about herself—the only things that would make her contradict her own confident persona are her art and her feelings, and neither of those she openly let the world see on a daily basis.

"But point is," she says, bringing them back to the topic at hand. "I can't believe both my dad and Cory were so affected by me getting a tattoo. I'm pretty sure they did a bunch of non-parent-approved shenanigans when they were our age."

"Well," he paused, pondering a bit. "Shawn's just being protective—fatherhood does that to you no matter what crazy antics you pulled during your youth. And Cory, well, Cory's Cory. I can't offer you a better explanation than that."

"How did your parents react when you got yours?"

He shrugs. "I just think they stopped caring at that point. After all, they've already raised Eric, Cory and Morgan by the time they had me," he said. "So really, when I was born, they had an angel."

She cracks up, picturing Amy and Alan raising their kids—what a lively household that must have been.

"Athena, on the other hand, is not very fond of my tattoo," he points out. "She thinks I've permanently vandalized my body."

Someone who knew their past would have wondered if the topic of current girlfriends or boyfriends made things awkward between them, and that someone would be surprised to find out that it hasn't really bothered them that much. "Really? She hates tattoos too?" Maya asks in disbelief. "Is there anything she doesn't hate about you, you know, besides _you_?"

"What do you mean?" he asks, genuinely curious.

Maya sighs, rolling her eyes dramatically. "She doesn't like hanging out at Topanga's, she doesn't like it when you spend too much time with your team mates, she doesn't like to play with us during family game night, and she hates me."

"What?" he says incredulously. "She doesn't hate you, she talks to you and Riley."

The blonde scoffs. "Riley's your niece, she's required to like her. I, on the other hand, am not family. I know she doesn't like me." He looks at her apologetically, but she waves him off by swishing her hand. "Don't worry, I know I'm not an easy person to like. It's fine."

"You're not difficult to like, Maya," he says, voice confident and sure. "And you don't have to be blood related to be family." He's sure that was something he got from his teacher Mr. Feeney, and maybe even from Cory.

His sudden declaration makes her cheeks turn to a light shade of pink, making her smile. "Then what's taking you so long, Matthews?" she eggs him, albeit in jest, giving him a slight slap on the arm. It's been a while since she's joked about their, really, non-existent relationship.

"If only you weren't three years younger…" he plays along, ignoring her physical assault on his arm, looking at an undetermined spot on the white wall of the hospital hallway.

"Ha-ha," Maya enunciates each syllable. It has been a while too since she heard him bring up their age difference, only this time it didn't bother her so much knowing it's not really an excuse anymore.

"If only somebody would just figure out that I'm such a catch," she lets herself trail as she gave him a playful wink.

"Tell me who and I'll hit him in the head with a soccer ball, maybe he'll come to his senses and realize what a prize you are," he gives her a slight nudge with his elbow.

"Nah," Maya drawls dismissively. "I think he's a lost cause."

Josh raises his eyebrow in a cheeky arch. "Giving up so easily?" he challenged.

"So you're saying the game is still on?" She already knows the answer, but she wants to hear it anyway just in case something changed, after all, they haven't brought it up in a long time.

"Only if you're still playing."

She tries to hold back a grin forming on her lips but failed miserably as she stares into his gorgeous blue eyes, searching, but for what even she doesn't know. "I'm still playing," she says in almost a whisper.

"Then it's still on."

/

After four months of dating, Josh and Athena finally broke up—Athena would attribute his constant lack of time for her as the cause of their break up while Josh would argue that it's her suffocating demands that caused the rift between them, but really it didn't matter since they're both just as glad to have ended the relationship. As a 'congratulatory' celebration, Josh's team mates threw a party for him (or rather, used his break up as an excuse to throw one) in Bojie's apartment. Bojie was a dark-haired junior and also the team's star striker and general party-thrower; he'll find any excuse to throw a party and invite all the cute girls he knew or saw that day.

"Make sure you invite your niece," Bojie reminds to a frowning Josh.

"She's my _niece_ , Boj," he emphasizes. "I'm not going to let her go to a party with a bunch of, well, you running on hormones. My brother will murder me even before I get to graduate."

Bojie makes a face, sinking into the bench in one of the university's yard, perfectly shaded under a big old tree, where he and the rest of the soccer team met for lunch. They had four other members of the team with them, with Josh sitting by the edge of one of the benches across the table from Bojie. "But she's so easy on the eye—" Bojie catches a glimpse of his senior's menacing stare, "—and she's always with her gorgeous friend, whom you should invite to."

None of his teammates notice how he winces at the word he had once used to describe the fun-loving blonde the first time he had laid eyes on her after a long time. "Not a chance," he declares.

"Come on, man," sulks Bojie. "You're supposed to help me meet new attractive freshmen!"

"Since when?" laughs Josh.

Their teammates around the table laughed at the exchange—they knew that the main reason their striker wanted to throw parties was to meet new girls even though he can't seem to date one for a period longer than three months. It wasn't because he was an asshole or anything, but most girls would find it difficult to compete with his love and time for soccer. And yet he still hated being single for more than a month at a time.

"Guess you don't even have to go through Josh, Bojie," remarks Gavin, the team's captain and main man on defense. Josh looked up to the auburn haired senior defender where he sat on the table, eyebrow raised when he suddenly shouted, "Yo, Riley! Maya!"

Josh turns to the direction where Gavin's call was directed and finds that the brown-haired freshman and her best friend were walking through the stone pavement, likely on the way to one back to their dormitory. He immediately curses under his breath knowing what he's teammates are about to do as he watched the girls approach them over to the table, instantly regretting the fact that he had once introduced Gavin to his niece and Maya way back when he invited his teammate over for dinner at Cory's apartment.

"Hey, Gavin," Riley greets him with her usual, charming smile, her friend in tow. "Hey, Josh." Maya gives a curt nod to both as her form of greeting, her hands buried in the pockets of her coat.

"Riley," says Josh, his tone warning. "Whatever they tell you, say _no_."

Riley tilts her head to the side in confusion. "Why? What's up?"

"You see, Riley," starts Gavin. "There's this party tonight in Bojie's—oh wait, have you met Bojie?"

Gavin directs the girls' attention to the person sitting across Josh, a wide grin plastered on said person's face. "Hi," Bojie greets, extending his hand to Riley. "Bojie."

The brunette, raised to be courteous, takes the hand and gave it a stern shake. "Riley."

"And you are," Bojie trails.

"Maya," says the blonde, likewise taking his hand for a shake.

The dark-haired striker grins, "Really?" he asked as Maya raised a suspicious eyebrow when he doesn't let go of her hand. "I thought you were gorgeous."

Maya burst into a fit of laughter while Riley stifled hers by covering her mouth. "Seriously?" Maya says pulling her hand away.

"What?" asked Bojie. "I thought that was pretty good."

Josh groans at his teammate's display while the rest of the soccer team behind him laugh along, with Russell, the junior goalie, patting poor Bojie on the back for consolation. "Sorry," Russell apologizes on Bojie's behalf. "He may like the ladies and showering them with compliments, but he's not particularly the best at being smooth about it."

Maya shakes her head as she calms herself from the laughter. "It's not just that," the blonde freshman says. "It's more of an inside joke for us." She turns her gaze toward the direction of the older Matthews and finds that he too was looking at her. She smiles and gives him a playful wink, and he found himself sighing at the whole thing.

"Russell, by the way," the goalie waves at the two ladies, finding it difficult to extend his arm for a shake from behind Bojie. "You can call me Russ."

"Hey," the girls greets in unison.

"So what about this party tonight?" asks Maya, finally bringing them all back to the original reason of why they were called there in the first place.

"Ah right," says Gavin. "So, we're throwing a party for Josh, you know, since he's finally single again."

Josh turns to see the girls give him a knowing look, but he shruggs wanting them to know that he wants nothing to do with the party.

"And it's tonight, at Bojie's apartment, just a couple of blocks from the university. Beer's on us, just bring yourselves," Gavin continues.

Sitting up straight from where he sat, Josh declares, "No, you can't go."

Taken aback by the implication that they need his imprimatur to go to the party, she asks, "And why is that?"

"Yeah, why is that, Josh?" mimicked Gavin with an impish smile.

Josh narrows his eyes at his captain, as he scurried for an acceptable answer for Maya. "I'd be an irresponsible uncle if I let you and Riley party with these people."

"You're not my uncle," she says simply. Josh notices how Riley suddenly froze upon Maya's shift of tone.

Josh frowns knowing that's not what he meant. "I wasn't implying that I was—"

"Plus," Bojie interrupts, "You're both in college now, you're supposed to go to all the parties you can!"

"I don't think that's how college works, Bojie," Riley points out kindly.

"What he meant was," Russell clarifies. "That you should go to our party at least. It'll be fun."

"Okay," says Maya, her arms crossed.

Josh knows that her quick acquiescence is probably due to his earlier remark that he now regrets making. "Maya—" he tries to say, but she refuses to look at him. He should have known better that Maya hated being told what not to do.

"And you, Riley?" ask Russell.

Riley gives a hesitant smile, "I'm not sure. I'll think about it."

"Maya, make sure convince Riley to go, okay?" insists Bojie.

"No promises," says Maya.

Josh tried to get a word in but Maya announces that they had to leave before he could. As he watches them retreating, a feeling of annoyance came over him and made him recluse for the remainder of the lunch he spent with his team. His irked demeanor didn't go unnoticed by his captain who must have known what caused the dip in his mood. The auburn-haired defender took to step down from where he sat on the table to sit beside his teammate.

"Stop sulking. It's your fault it got this far."

The brown-haired midfielder glares at him. "What?"

"You should have invited them yourself, instead of trying to be this protective boyfriend—"

"What? I wasn't trying to act like—"

But his captain raises a knowing brow. He said, out of earshot from the rest of their teammates, "We both know whom you're really keeping away from the boys, and we both know it's not your cousin."

Josh was about to open his mouth to retort, but he closes it again finding nothing to say. "I don't know what you mean," he finally denies.

Gavin is not buying it. "Deny all you want, but I know what I've seen in your eyes for years," he says. Josh averts his gaze, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of being correct, "On the bright side, you'll be at the party."

"How is that the bright side?" Josh asks.

The soccer team captain sighs at his friend's ignorance. "You're smart, figure it out."

Josh frowns, taking offense, but it didn't take him long to figure out what Gavin was trying to get at.

/

Maya liked college parties.

They were always so enjoyable and exhilarating (until it gets out of hand, of course). But they were the kinds of social gatherings were there was no expectation to make an effort to interact. All you need is a beer in your hand and see where the night takes you—or where it takes others, since she had enjoyed observing a bunch of college kids get all out drunk and make a complete fool of their inebriated selves. Maya was always careful not to be one of those.

In the end, Riley chose not to go, opting to spend the night studying for an upcoming test and spending some quality internet face-time with her Texan beau. In her stead, Maya invited one of the few good friends they made over the year, Helena, to go with her knowing she has had the longest crush on Russell.

"Are you sure it's alright for me to tag along?" says a nervous Helena as she absently fiddles with the purple tips of her long black hair.

"I'm pretty sure the host will not mind," answers Maya before she took one final glimpse of herself in the mirror. She opted for a simple black sleeveless turtleneck tucked in blue washed out jeans, and she warmed it up with a long, loose batwing cardigan and brown boots to add on extra inches.

They got to the apartment complex without much fuss, and when they get to the room itself they see that the party had long begun without them. There were the rest of the soccer team in attendance, a few of the cheerleaders she recognized, and the rest are people she didn't know. Gavin was the first to spot them, greeting them at the door with his girlfriend, whom Maya would later learn was the vice captain of the women's lacrosse team.

"Alright, Maya!" greets an ever cheerful Gavin. "Glad you could make it. And you brought a friend," he gestures to Helena who gave a shy wave. "Go make yourselves comfortable and very, very drunk."

Taking his advice they head for the kitchen where the beers were kept and take a bottle each. There by the island, they were met by Russell who seems to be returning some empty bottles to the sink, out of harm's way. "Well, hello, ladies."

"Hey, Russ," Maya greets.

Helena on the other hand blushes at the sight of him, choosing to hide behind Maya (which was a really bad spot to hide in considering she's a couple of inches taller than the blond). Maya shakes her off until she was forced to stand by her side.

"Russ, I want you to meet my friend, Helena," Maya gestures to the lady by her side, and Russell courteously extends a hand which Helena reluctantly took.

"Hey," Russell says with a toothy grin.

Helena, unable to keep herself together, stammers, "H-hi."

The sight pains Maya that she wanted to slap herself in the face, if only it wouldn't give things away. "So," Maya offers. "Why don't you tell Helena all about soccer, Russ? She's really interested in learning about the sport."

"I-I am?" Helena whispers but her answered came in the form of a slight elbow to the ribs. "R-right. I am."

"Alright," says Russ, more than willing to share his knowledge of the sport. "What do you want to know?"

But Maya doesn't stick around to hear the rest of the conversation. She considers herself to have helped enough, and from this point on, it was up to Helena to do her thing.

Josh was playing beer pong with the boys when she first sees him among the crowd of people—he was winning, by the way, four cups to two—but she moves past the beer pong tables without greeting him and on to the living room where she was dragged into a conversation with Bojie and some of his classmates. Maya was made to sit at the end of the couch beside Bojie's blonde, and very confident, classmate, whose name Maya chose not to remember. The striker, on the other hand, had his arms wrapped around the shoulders of a cute brunette. When her bottle ran out of booze, the equally buzzed host grabs another for her, and quickly engages their little circle back into a conversation.

The blonde one deliberately opts not to listen as the brunette in front of him talks about the local band scene in New York City as he tries to get Maya's attention by placing his hand on her knee while he inches closer to where she sat. Maya tries to shrug him off, show him she's not interested, that she's not too eager about his touch, without trying to be offensive. As attractive as the guy was, she wasn't interested in _that_ tonight.

It was Josh that saves her when he sat on the arm of the couch, right beside Maya, and places his left arm around her shoulders, pulling her towards him and away from the assuming blonde man. Surprised at his sudden appearance and protective gesture, and wanting to get rid of the stranger's hand on her knee, she finds herself leaning to his side, allowing her head to rest by ribs. She takes a final swig of her almost empty beer bottle before closing her eyes, hearing him say something along the lines of, "You should hear her sing." She doesn't respond, allowing the buzz of the alcohol to settle in her head while she keeps herself by the Matthews' side.

She doesn't see Bojie's blonde friend scowl at her action when he removes his touch from her knee, nor when he stands up to join another group by the balcony and try his chances at another girl who seemed more receptive of his advances.

When the conversation dies down, Josh and Bojie leave to have another round at the beer pong table while she hops on to another group of people striking a conversation after getting herself another bottle of beer. She doesn't see Bojie nor the blonde guy much for the rest of the night, but Josh seemed to be ever present. He's there when she's having a conversation with the rookies of the soccer team, resting a hand by the small of her back when he approaches, daring one of the freshmen of chug down his seventh beer for the night (which he ended up nearly puking on his fellow freshmen team mates). When she was having a conversation with some girls about the best taco place near campus, he puts a beer bottle by her cheek and she winces at the unexpected icy sensation on her face. He tips his head toward the empty bottle she was holding, making her realize he was giving her a refill.

Hours pass, she doesn't know what time of the night (or maybe even the morning) it was, and Bojie was calling everyone's attention as he prepares to dance on top of his wooden coffee table in the living room. Instead of staying to watch, she tries to catch up with Helena back by the kitchen wanting to inquire on how it went with Russell.

But before she could go to her, she feels someone grab her by the elbow, spinning her around, only to meet gorgeously blue eyes staring at her. If she was blushing, neither of them could tell if it was because of their proximity or the amount of beer she's already consumed.

"I have some coffee upstairs, let's sober up?" Josh asks casually in his deep, raspy voice. His tone indicates he didn't want to invite Helena along with them, and her nod told him she didn't mind.

His apartment, which he shared with Gavin and two other senior friends, was two floors above Bojie's. Unlike Bojie who was financially supported by his well-to-do father, the rest of them had to share the apartment with roommates in order to afford the rent.

The ride up the elevator was quiet, almost a relieving feeling coming from the noisy party which they had just left, and they made their way to the apartment without much as a word. It was her first time in his apartment, and it was quite neat for one that houses three senior college boys, in stark contrast to her own room (but Riley always made sure to clean when she can—which makes Maya think that cleanliness must run in some of the Matthews' blood). They make their way to the kitchen where she pulls herself up to the kitchen top to sit while she watches Josh turn on the electric kettle. He poured the water into two mugs with instant coffee in them, handing one to Maya who takes a slow sip.

They don't talk while they drink their hot coffee slowly, an odd occurrence between the both of them, Maya finds. Becoming aware that the silence has become awkward, even with the effects of the booze in her system, she settles the mug on the countertop as she gets down from where she sat.

"Show me your room?" she asks to break the silence, her cerulean orbs boring deep into his.

They stare at each other a few seconds longer, or so it seemed, before he finally breaks the gaze and started walking into the room opposite the kitchen, his mug in hand. His room, which he shares with Gavin, is just as neat as the living room, his training bag was by his study table, his books, as well as Gavin's, was properly stacked on the table and on the shelf, save some clothes that Gavin had on his bed, most likely from changing before going to Bojie's.

She plops down onto the edge of the other bed while Josh opted to lean against his study table where he places his mug, facing Maya. "This is yours, right?" she asks, swinging her legs bag and forth as if she were on a swing.

"Yeah," he answers.

He took a step towards her, her eyes locked in his, and the closer he got, the bluer his eyes seemed to his, almost like the sea, drowning. She doesn't even realize that his face is barely touching hers until he closed the distance with his lips and she unconsciously welcomes his kiss with a desire for him that she thought she lost over the years. His lips were soft, in contrast to the rough hands that cup her face, moving slowly down to her covered neck and then to her bare arms. His kiss was different from all the ones she's had before him, and she can't explain why, only that a there was a cold sensation where his skin touched hers when he pulled away from the kiss.

He doesn't offer her an explanation, nor a smile, and neither does she ask, both of them still struggling to breathe. But when he was about to turn around, it was Maya who stood up to pull his face, surprising him with another kiss, and she'll later describe this as her body moving on its own, wanting more contact with his as she locked him in her arms around his neck.

Josh responded by helping her smaller frame, pulling her up as her knees wrap around his waist, returning her kiss as her fingers mindlessly dig into his brown hair. She smiles into the kiss when he pulls away, this time to let her down carefully into his bed, her legs still anchored onto his body. However, he doesn't resume the kissing, which makes her frown.

Instead, he stares at her, taking in the beautiful structure of her face. "We're drunk," he says, his voice hitched.

"I know," she responds, equally out of breath.

He pauses, unable to quickly formulate sentences in his head as quick as he'd want. "I'm not sure we're not going to regret this in the morning."

She grins, the kind that had always charmed him before but will never admit to her. "Let's worry about that in the morning."

That's all the reassurance he needed as he locked his lips in hers, his body towering over what he always thought was such a fragile frame. His hands wander to the bare skin of her stomach under what was earlier a tucked-in shirt, and the feeling of his hands there make her shiver. She feels more eager than before, her hands making sure he stops pulling away from her, but he's much stronger than she is when he pulls away again, but this time only to remove his own sweater, revealing an inner shirt that he's worn.

He dips his head down once again to meet her lips when suddenly the door bursts open, and they both stop what they're doing. Instinctively, Josh covers Maya with his body, albeit the latter is very much fully clothed. They look to see that Gavin had entered the room, but he makes his way to his own bed without so much as making eye contact with either of them, and they both assume he was too wasted to take notice of them.

But that was all it took to break the spell. Josh rolls over lay beside Maya as they both try to regulate their breathing. Maya runs her hands through her face and her hair as she sighs, feeling more sober than she did before she even had her first beer that night.

"Sleep here," he finally says knowing it's too late for her to get back to the dorm. "I'll go sleep in the couch. Don't worry, Gavin's too knocked out. He won't wake up until lunch tomorrow."

She was about to protest, but she was still finding her voice and he was already standing up and grabbing one of the pillows on the bed.

"If you want to be more comfortable, just grab a shirt from my closet," he points to the one beside his bookshelf. He makes his way to the door, stopping when he reaches the frame to take another look back at her. Their eyes lock again, letting them say the things they can't seem to find the voice for, and they smile. "Goodnight, Maya."

She spends the night, sleeping through most of Gavin's snoring, and in the morning she finds that Bojie let Helena and some other friends who were too drunk to go home stay at his apartment, each finding their own space to sleep.

In the morning, she remembers every detail of the night before (well, at least _that_ part of the night), but they don't talk about it. But the smile he gives her when he's making her breakfast before leaving tells her that he remembers everything too. When Riley gives her an inquisitive look when she gets back to their dorm, she shrugs it off and tells her that nothing happened (which is technically true), but she doesn't tell her the things that actually happened, not until a few months later. And for the next months, she'll tell herself and Riley that it's normal for friends to sometimes want to kiss each other and not need it to be anything more. But she'll later learn the fallacy of her own excuses.

* * *

 ** _Twenty-one_**

He graduates and the first job he took takes him to Italy for almost two years. When he comes back to New York, he brings his girlfriend.

Maya doesn't show that she's affected by the new girlfriend's arrival, but something told her when she met Bella that she's not like his other girlfriends so far.

But she feels the weight of the others' stares whenever Josh walks into the room with Bella in tow, because even if she didn't tell them (with the exception of Riley) about what happened last year, her friends and family know that something had changed in her dynamic with Josh. When they do stare at her, with that apologetic look they seem to wear, even if they had nothing to apologize for, she chooses to ignore them all the same trying to put on a normal front.

It works for a while, and it gets them off her back whenever they ask if she was okay. And she acts like how she and Josh would be before he left, before that night, talking about the most random of things. But it's when they find themselves alone for one reason or another (sometimes she wonders if there's a conspiracy to give them some alone time), that she finds it hard to ignore the heaviness and the tension that's building up inside her. She keeps that to herself though. She keeps to herself the times she wonders if maybe they should have tried talking about what happened during Bojie's party, if maybe things would have been different between them right now if she was just brave enough to confront what happened. But that was her fault, she said to herself, and now she faced the consequences.

"Peaches," Riley's voice gets her out of her trance, averting her gaze from no particular view outside the bay window of Riley's room to face her best friend. "You okay?"

That day was Josh's birthday, and she's been avoiding talking about him, or seeing him, or being invited to his birthday dinner where she's sure Bella would be.

"Of course," she lies, smiling at her best friend with the best reassuring face she could muster.

When Riley hugs her tightly, she knows that the brunette didn't buy it. She can't help it; her body spontaneously hugs Riley back.

"I don't know," she whispers in retraction to her earlier answer.

Riley releases her grip on her blonde friend. "Don't know what?"

"If we're still playing the long game," she finally says, letting herself be vulnerable in her best friend's presence.

"The long game keeps playing itself, remember?" Riley says, her voice soft as is her smile. "But you're not really playing if you're not living your life."

Maya smiles wondering when her friend got so wise, or maybe it's something Cory has told her already when she and Lucas decided to take a break from their relationship a few months ago, the long distance finally taking it's nth victim.

So she takes her advice and starts dating other people, convincing herself and others that she's fine. She meets Chase again by chance, her boyfriend from high school, when she accompanies Shawn to a photography competition he was asked to judge, and he happened to be there as well supporting his brother. They got into talking, which led to them setting a date for catching up, and then to a date which was followed by several more.

/

Even when they were dating different people, Josh and Maya found it hard to place whatever it is that they have, especially when they're together in one room. There are moments—stolen glances, prolonged stares, smiles that they seem to only give each other, lingering touches here and there—when they feel like the world was closing in on them, but at the same time keeping them apart. It was easy for them to fall back into old habits, and they don't know just how long they have been talking, but somehow it was easy for her to forget where they stood in each other's lives. Maybe it was also because he makes it easy to forget. And she's tried to put their 'almost' moment to the very back of her mind, but sometimes it becomes too loud and makes them gravitate into this cycle of maybe's and what-if's and then reality bites them again.

Like when it's the eve of Riley's birthday and they were counting down to midnight in Topanga's (Lucas, Zay, Farkle and Smackle come back to New York to celebrate with them, and Riley and Lucas using the opportunity to see whether it's time to get back together or not). Zay brought along his new girlfriend, a cheerleader (of course), and very much in love.

It was a rare occasion to have them all together in one place since they graduated high school. Before that day, they've only been complete once during one spring break when they all decided to meet up. From where she was behind the counter where the drinks are usually prepared, holding her own bottle of beer, she sees Smackle and Riley trying to get to know Zay's new girl, and Bella chatting with Farkle about a new technology he was going to develop and propose to his dad's company. Over by the booths, the grown-ups were talking, and Lucas and Zay were outside talking about Zay's upcoming tournament. It was great, she says to herself, to see all of them together again, and inwardly hopes that this isn't the last one of their get-togethers.

She enjoyed observing the sight of her friends, so she doesn't really notice when he approaches her and taking the empty spot by her side, leaning into the counter.

"You miss them?" his deep voice announces that he was there beside her.

She looks at him in surprise, then back at the party going on. "Very much," she admitted. "But if you tell them that, I'll deny it to my grave."

He couldn't help but laugh at her statement. "Don't worry, I won't tell your friends you actually feel something for them."

Then the silence takes over, and the only time they make a sound is when they take their own sips from the beer bottle they each had. She wonders if it was always going to be like this with him now; she didn't like it. She wanted to ask him so many things, things only he could answer—

She's not sure who turned to face the other first, but when they did, the look in his eyes makes her forget the words she wanted to say. His expression was calm, but also yearning; it was speaking to her out loud, but saying nothing. She wondered then if she was giving him the same look he was. She wondered if it was a look that was only reserved for her.

"Maya—" He reaches out to her, his fingers unsure but she flinches first anyway.

She shakes her head realizing that maybe she didn't really want her questions answered. It takes a lot from her to resist his touch, but she does so with a sad smile. She's afraid that if she lets him touch her she'll break, because the truth is, she might just be as fragile as porcelain when it came to him. She faces the rest of her friends once again, and finds that no one has noticed whatever it was that happened.

From the corner of her eye, she sees him take his hand back and mirror her movements, chugging the remaining contents of his bottle. What she doesn't see is Cory who, from the booth where he sat beside Shawn, was looking at them and shaking his head.

* * *

 ** _Twenty-two_**

It had been three months since she had broken up with Chase, something she felt was a long time coming. And it had been a month since he ended things with Bella.

She thought that now that they were both single, maybe they would finally be able to work out whatever it is that they have. But once again she is left disappointed when he leaves for Philadelphia for six months, saying he needs some time alone after feeling like he's lost so much of himself in his relationship with Bella. Much as she'd want him to stay, she knows she had no right to ask that of him.

But when Josh comes back Maya's dating someone new. He complains to Riley that he doesn't like that Maya's been dating 'less-than-quality' guys. And it would have been fine with Riley, except that whenever Josh went out with random girls, it was Maya's turn to make a fuss about it to his niece, and Riley wished she could just tie them up and let them hear each other's complaints for themselves. For a week, Riley refused to talk to either of them, flipping them off and telling them to solve their own problems (she instantly regretted it, but she stuck to what she said anyway).

And although Riley told them to talk to each other and figure it out, being the adults that Maya and Josh were, they decided to just ignore the problem altogether (because adults can do that). But it all came to a head during a celebratory party that the Minkus Corporation threw in one of the most luxurious lofts in uptown New York, and Farkle, whose project was the cause for celebration, invited the whole gang.

Maya did her best to enjoy the night. That meant, for her, not running into Josh, and just in case she did, she hoped she wouldn't be sober by then. She hit the open bar along with her friends using every excuse to call "shots!", and whenever she saw him approach she would stealthily make a slip amongst the crowd or look for another group of people she doesn't know to mingle with (at least until she's in the clear). And she thought she could sustain that for the entire night, but once she hit a certain level of buzz, her ability to sense him started to become dull.

He caught her alone when she was staring into the New York skyline over the glass balcony outside the main function room. She was mindlessly twirling an empty margarita glass with her lithe fingers, the moon graciously highlighting delicate features with strands of her blonde hair framing her face. She couldn't see how the sight of her took his breath away.

"You've been avoiding me," he says when he finally reaches her side.

She didn't need to turn to know whose voice it was, after all, it was a voice she knew so well, a voice so beautifully deep it brought shivers down her spine. "So you do pay attention to me," was what she said in response.

"What I really want to know is," he says carefully, unsure if whether or not she would pull away from him, and when she stays where she stood unmoving, he decides to say, "why?"

She doesn't answer his question immediately, and he thinks that she's contemplating how she'll respond so he lets the silence linger. Maybe a few minutes pass, or maybe it's a little more than a few, neither of them is sure. "This game has been really, really, _really_ long," she finally says, and although she may not have sounded sober, she sure felt like it. Maya then turns to him with a somber look on her face. "Why are we still playing?"

He faces her as well. "Are we still playing?"

"Are you?"

"Are _you_?" he asked back holding her still on her hips when she wobbles on her heels.

His touch flusters her. "Stop r-repeatin' me," she says frustrated that he's just copying the questions she's throwing at him, her words a little slurred.

He ignores her. "Are you still playing the long game, Maya?"

When she hears him say her name, something washes over her, like a wake-up call that's long overdue. They've been doing this for so long—the bantering, the bickering, the back and forth flirting, the teasing, the touching, the dating other people, the jealousy, and the heartbreak— "I—I'm tired, Josh."

It was the look on her face that breaks his heart.

"I don't want to play anymore," her voice was barely a whisper, but he hears it loud and clear. "Let's end the long game. It doesn't look like either of us are going to win."

She may have been under the influence of alcohol, but her decision has been something she thought about over and over and over again since he left for Philadelphia, sometimes causing her sleepless nights, and all the time causing her heart pain.

He's afraid to ask because he doesn't want to know the answer. But he does anyway. "Are you sure?"

They stare into each other's eye, each of them searching for something they can't seem to find. "Yeah," she whispers.

"Okay."

There was a moment, a slight change in her expression that he caught, and he's not sure, but he thinks it was a glimpse of disappointment. Or maybe he just wished it was.

* * *

 ** _Twenty-three_**

"You two are being ridiculous," declares Riley. "If you guys would just be honest with your feelings for one minute, this would all be avoided."

She was talking about the fact that they have been avoiding each other since Farkle's party months ago. Whenever they're in the same room together, they always mingle with different groups of people, never the same one at the same time. And whenever they're forced to acknowledge each other, they never go past 'Hi' or 'Hello'.

For years, Riley's seen them dance around each other in this push-pull sequence that doesn't seem to end. And Riley thought it was the silliest thing in the world. Because she's always noticed how Josh is always looking for her in the room like she was the only thing he needs to see, and how Maya's face brightens up the moment she sees him like he's the light in her darkness. But neither of them sees the effect they have on the other—and it was tragic.

"We ended the long game, Riley," the blonde says.

Riley groans in frustration when she sees her best friend glance at her uncle from the corner of her eye across the room, trying to mask her actions by swirling her flute close to her cheek. "I want you to be happy, Maya," Riley sighs. "And maybe you should try believing that you deserve to be happy too. Why don't you try taking happiness into your own hands for once?"

"I played the long game, and our someday didn't come—"

"Your long game was based on _waiting_ for your happiness to fall into your lap like it's the most natural thing in the world," cuts Riley. "But for the most part, happiness comes only if you grab it when the opportunity presents itself."

Maya was clearly getting frustrated. It's not like they haven't talked about this over and over again. "You think I didn't try to grab it?"

"Yes," the brunette replies without hesitation, taking Maya by surprise by the bluntness. "Let's see… You guys make out, and then pretend like nothing happened until he had to go to Italy. When he broke up with Bella, you let him go back to Philly without letting him know how you feel. And when he came back, you guys did this thing—and oh my god, was it so annoying—where you kept trying to make each other jealous by dating other people when you could be dating _each other_."

The fact that Riley, the ever-so-calm Riley, managed to get that out in one breath amazed Maya more. But before she had time to process what she had said, she saw Lucas approach her.

"Riley," says Lucas.

"What?" she exclaims, turning her face to Lucas, unaware that she was still in her frustrated zone. Realizing that she scared her boyfriend by the look on his face, she coughs, trying to even out her tone. "Sorry, babe. What is it?"

Lucas blinks a couple of times, making sure that Riley was back to normal. "I just wanted to make an announcement." He hit his champagne flute with a fork lightly to gather everyone's attention, and it did just the trick. "So, there's something I want everyone to know," he started as the room filled with their family and friends turned their heads to the blonde southerner. "When I was younger, I made wrong decisions in my life that cost me, what I thought then, a lot. Those wrong decisions led me to New York where I was fortunate enough to meet the most wonderful woman—of course, as wonderful as you, Mom—in the world. That's you, Riley," he says as he alternates his gaze from the crowd to the brunette, ignoring the jeers from Zay and Farkle. "So, who's laughing now, right? Because my wrong decisions actually brought me to the best thing that came into my life."

"Aw, Lucas," swoons Riley as she reaches out to hold Lucas' hand. She mouths an 'I love you' to him.

"What I'm trying to say, I guess, is that every wrong turn that we thought would derail us in life, maybe it was the universe's way of actually putting us to the right path," Lucas continues.

At that moment, Maya turns her head ever so slightly to take a glimpse of Josh, and she's surprised that he was trying to find her eyes as well. They look at each other a second longer, giving each other a doleful half smile.

"And it's not like it was smooth sailing from there," Lucas adds. "Riley, we faced a lot of difficulties together and some apart, but somehow all roads lead back to you." It was then that he knelt down on one knee, shocking everyone in the room, especially Riley who subconsciously covered her mouth with both her hands.

"Oh my god," Riley says in muffled sounds. She looks around the room for Maya—she first sees her father sobbing (whether he was happy or heartbroken, she couldn't tell) and her mother comforting him, Auggie was grinning from ear-to-ear, Zay, Smackle and Farkle were taking videos and photos (clearly they knew this was coming), as well as Katy's, Shawn's and Lucas' parents supportive looks—and she catches her best friends' gorgeous blues. Maya nods smiling warmly, giving her the assurance Riley didn't ask but needed.

Lucas pulls out a purple velvet box from the pocket of his jacket, opening the box in front of Riley to show the beautiful diamond ring it contained. "And whatever happens to our lives from here on out, the only sure thing I know is that I want us to be standing beside each other, facing whatever the world has to offer. I love you, Riley Matthews," his pitch went on a little higher at the last part, trying to hold back his own tears. "And I would be the happiest man on earth if you'll do me the greatest honor of being my wife. Marry me?"

Riley couldn't hold back the tears from falling, her voice caught in her throat. The words want to come out but couldn't, so she did the next best thing by nodding profusely. And that was all he needed. He took her hand and placed the ring on her finger, showing their commitment to each other, and the moment he got up from kneeling, Riley immediately wrapped her arms around her new fiancé as she sobbed.

"I love you," she managed to whisper through her blubbering form. "So much."

And everyone else couldn't keep to themselves as they flocked to the newly-engaged couple, congratulating them and hugging them, immediately talking about plans and checking out the ring.

Maya knew she'll get her turn with the bride-to-be once the family and friends had settled down, so instead of joining the ambush she heads to Riley's room with a newly refilled champagne glass and taking her spot by the bay window, leaning back to the comfort of the throw pillows. The room wasn't changed at all since they went to college, and even after the two of them got their own apartment (now she thought that maybe she should start looking a new roomie, or a new apartment depending on how the couple's living arrangement will be after they marry). It was probably because Riley would go home every chance she'd get, that was how important family was to Riley.

Her best friend was going to get married—everything will change again. She wonders a little if this was how Shawn felt when Topanga and Cory got married. But she wasn't left within her own thoughts for long as there was a light knock on the open door of Riley's room. She turns and sees the uncle of the bride-to-be standing by the doorframe in all his handsomeness.

"You up for some company?" he asks, his ever-charming smile on his face.

She gives him a weak smile, signaling him to enter. He sits on the rolling chair by Riley's old study table, turning it so he can face the blonde beauty.

"Well that just happened," he says with a light chuckle, trying to keep the mood light. "You know he was going to propose?"

She nods. "He's been this nervous wreck for weeks," she recounts. "Who knew a western hero could have so many insecurities?"

He laughs, remembering a familiar line he's said to Lucas many moons ago.

"I guess we all have some of those when it comes to the girl we like," he says, unconsciously moving closer to where Maya was.

She watches him as he does so, not saying a word, secretly craving for his touch but a million times afraid as well. "Do you," she wonders out loud. "Do you think there's something like that for us out there?"

"Something like what?" he asks, perplexed, still crawling the chair to where she was until his knees are just inches away from her own.

"Like what they have," she explains, albeit no very well. "Like what Cory and Topanga have. That thing they all seem to be able to find easily that we normal humans have to search our entire lives and maybe still can't find that."

He knows very well what she meant. Slowly, he tries to reach out for her, but he's scared she'll pull away. "Maybe for some, they have found it," he says, voice low, when he takes her hand from her lap. His confidence grows when she doesn't pull away. "But they were too stubborn to realize what was in front of them the whole time."

His words sounded all too familiar.

He continues to rub her knuckles softly with his thumb, and she stares at his movements while he looks at her eyes.

"How did they get to there," she says softly keeping her head low, "while we ended up _here_?" But he doesn't respond. She looks up to match his gaze, and the way her eyes glowed with sadness pained him. "Where did we go wrong?"

Josh stops rubbing the back of her hand, focusing all his attention on her. He knows her question was a rhetoric, but he answers anyway.

"I don't know."

/

"This," Cory says as he takes another bite of the baked salmon. "Put this in your menu."

Riley and Lucas were having a food tasting with their caterer, and Cory and Josh tagged along in lieu of the busy best man and maid-of-honor on the bribe that they will be given free food.

"But I'm already going with the halibut for our fish dish, Dad," groans Riley who hasn't found any opinion from her father contributory. "It pairs with the wine better."

Josh is smart. He opted to keep his opinions to himself and enjoyed the free meal, knowing that the bride didn't really bring them for their opinions, but rather to reinforce her own.

It was after they finished the food tasting that Riley parted ways with Lucas and her father, but asked Josh if he wanted to have coffee with her. And she's been a little more unpredictable in terms of her mood now that she's getting married (sunshine Riley has not met bride-to-be Riley, that's for sure), so Josh thought it would be in his best interest, emotionally and physically, to agree and have coffee with her.

"So, what's up, niece?" he asks while they sat outside in one of the small tables under an umbrella, their coffee in hand.

"Look," she says with an air of authority and sternness that surprises the youngest of the second generation Matthews. "I know I shouldn't meddle, but hey, who are we kidding, right? I'm my dad's daughter."

He raises a curious eyebrow, having a feeling of what his niece was alluding to. Over the past couple of months since the day Riley and Lucas got engaged, Maya and Josh were in the state of, what her friends would call it, 'ultimate denial'. It wasn't necessarily bad, since it was way better than the time they avoided each other, but it wasn't the most ideal either. The two of them thought nobody noticed the stares that linger a little too long whenever they're in the same room, the stolen moments they share when they find themselves alone in the kitchen or on the couch, the smiles that creep up their annoying faces when the other's name is brought up, or the less than subtle way they ask about how the other is doing (which their friends generously omit to point out when they do).

"You love Maya, and Maya loves you," she states with no beating around the bush.

"Wait—what?"

"Can you just get over whatever it is you call what you're doing and just admit your feelings to one another?" she asks exasperated.

"Love is a strong word, Ri—" he tries to interject.

"Oh hush you," glares Riley. "You can deny it all you want to my face, but the least you can do is admit it to yourself."

"Even if I do _love_ her, there's no assurance it will work between her and me."

"There's no assurance in life about anything, we could all die in the next minute or so for all we know!" she argues back. "But it doesn't mean we stop taking chances. Stop running away, Uncle Josh. You've been running from your feelings for her since that day back in college, and then you play this game where you push and pull each other like you're dancing around fire—you're so drawn to it but at the same time you're scared to get burnt."

Josh sighs; he's looking at his cup of coffee now and admiring how still the dark brown liquid is compared to what he's feeling right at that moment. "I've broken her heart so many times before, Riles. I don't know if she'll still want me. She ended the long game."

"Wake up, Uncle Josh!" cries Riley as she slams her hands on the table, taking the youngest of the Matthews brothers by surprise. "If she really ended the long game then why hasn't she gotten into any real relationship yet? Believe me, it's not for the lack of prospects. And why is she still doing this weird thing you do where you flirt and you tease, but never really do anything more?" She exhales, catching her breath. "And how do you even end the long game?"

He supposes he never really thought about it. Why? Because he didn't want to assume anything more than what he knew or what was in front of him. Like Maya always says, hope is for suckers, and he didn't want to expect her to want anything more than what he was giving.

But that was the thing between them. They always seem to not know where the lines are drawn, and they're always too afraid of crossing them, sometimes taking things a little too far too see how far they can push the boundaries but always pulling back when they've come too close to crossing. And they're even more afraid of what will happen if they do. What was at risk? Too much. He'd never not want her to be in his life.

"I want you guys to be happy," says Riley softly, taking him away from his thoughts. "Give the both of you a shot at that, will you?"

* * *

 ** _Twenty-four_**

She's sitting on her pre-determined seat while she watches the bride and groom sway and slide on the dance floor along with Cory and Topanga, and her own parents, and other couples, to Nat King Cole's _"L-O-V-E"_. She wonders if she'll ever find someone for whom she'll smile the way they do just by holding their hand and twirling them around, and she also wonders if she'll find someone whose eyes will glow just by making her smile. And she wonders if they're all the rule, and she's the exception.

Riley's wedding was a whole roller coaster of emotions for her—from calming down the bride when she couldn't find her something blue, to making sure Zay was sober for the duration of the ceremony, to listening to the heart-tugging exchange of vows, to her maid-of-honor speech—she's felt stress, anxiety, happiness, nervousness, and finally, right now, she was a little bit of sad. Maya's never believed that she was the type to get married (after all, she used to be the poster child for broken families—she's not sure she'd have the best chances of making a marriage work herself), but there was something pulling and captivating about the union that Riley and Lucas shared that makes her feel that something is missing in her own life.

"Care to dance?" a deep voice that she knows so well takes her out of her thoughts.

He's standing in front of her now, in all his dashing handsomeness with his hair slicked back and a suit that makes her think he's come out of a Bond movie. This is the first time he's talked to her that day since she's been so busy with her maid-of-honor duties.

"You have to stop creeping up to people like that," says Maya, trying to hide the smile she makes at the sight of him. She puts the misplaced strand of her behind her ear; the right side of neatly pinned to the side, and her shoulder-length blonde locks in a clean wavy do that makes her look like she was taken from a 40s magazine.

He grins, "You've got to stop hanging out inside your dungeon of sadness."

"Those ballerinas love to keep me occupied," she responds, remembering what he was alluding to.

He takes out his hand, reminding her what he went up to her for, smiling softly. She takes it, and the his touch was warm, and firm and strong—everything she wasn't feeling at the time.

Josh leads her to the dance floor, into the crowd of couples slowing down as the song changes to Ed Sheeran's _"Tenerife Sea"_ , and when he twirls her so that she's facing him, his other hand is made to rest on the small of her back, and they slowly move to the flow of the music.

"You look absolutely gorgeous," he says charmingly, in a way that has made her weak in the knees many times before. "Have I told you that?"

"Not nearly enough," she admits, making his smile falter a bit. "But thank you, Josh."

' _Should this be the last thing I see,_

 _I want you to know it's enough for me'_

They stare at each other's blues as his guiding hands continue to sway them to the music, and the longer she stares, the more she forgets that they're in a room full of people and it's as if the moment is created just for them. She wonders what he sees when he looks into her eyes—does he see how she longs for something like what Cory and Topanga, or Riley and Lucas have but fear she may never find, or how scared she sometimes is of the way he makes her feel, or how happy she is when his eyes look like they're only meant to look at her like that, or how sad she becomes when she realizes that maybe he's just a dream that she'll have to wake up from when the song ends.

' _You look so beautiful in this light,_

 _Your silhouette over me._

 _The way it brings out the blue in your eyes,_

 _It's the Tenerife Sea.'_

Taking her hand away from his grip, she ignores the questioning look in his eyes. But it disappears when she wraps her arm around his back while she lets her leans into his shoulder, resting her head on the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent and letting the moment engulf her.

' _Just say the word and I will disappear_

 _Into the wilderness,'_

"I'm sorry," he whispers so that only she can hear, placing his now free hand around her small frame in a protective embrace.

"For what?" she breathes.

"Everything up until now."

She closes her eyes. "It's not all your fault."

"But still," he says softly unsure of what to say next.

He pulls away, stopping their movements, and this makes her face him. Her blue orbs shining with the lights above them, asking him what was wrong. He cups her cheek with his right hand, gently brushing her cheekbone with his thumb, as his own blue eyes respond telling her that nothing is wrong. He gives her a quick peck on the forehead before asking, "Can we talk outside?"

She nods and she lets him lead her once again, this time to the balcony facing the garden under the pale moon sky.

"What did you want to talk about?" she asks, a hint of worry in her tone. They stand near the stone balcony exposed to the cold night air.

Before he responds, he removes his jacket and makes it rest over her bare shoulders, giving them a little rub over the black fabric. She mouths a thank you, pulling the jacket closer around her, and she smells him over his jacket.

"I've been thinking lately—well, actually, Riley had urged that I rethink things—"

"Uh oh," she grits her teeth. "That doesn't sound too good."

"No, it is," he immediately says. "Well, it is if you let it be something good."

"What do you mean?"

He looks at her blue eyes, searching for some confidence to continue. "Look," he starts with a deep inhale. "There are many things I regret in my life, many decisions that I wish I could redo so that maybe, we wouldn't end up where we are right now."

She swallows at his opening statement. "Look, Josh—"

"Wait, let me finish," he insisted, and the blonde beauty closes her mouth. "But this is where we are, and I can't turn back time to change the decisions I have made. However, I am reminded that I can, from here on out, make better decisions." He looks at Maya who is still trying to figure out where his little speech is leading. "Maya, I have been a coward, and a fool, and an idiot who doesn't deserve a beautiful soul like you. I've been running away from my feelings for a very long time because I have been scared that if I act on them, I might stand to lose more than I'm willing to put on the line. But that's not how it supposed to work."

She searches his eyes for something—anything that will tell her _something_. Was this really happening? "And now?" she manages to whisper.

"What I said still holds true," he reaching out to hold her hand, and she lets him. "I never want you not to be in my life. But I don't think I can be happy with just being friends anymore."

Her eyes begin to water, and she pulls away from his grip, taking a step back from him. "Josh—let's not cross that line again."

"Maya—"

"I lost you—"

"I know—"

"And you left. When you came back, you—"

"I'm sorry—"

"It broke my heart," she says, and through watery eyes she can see his face contort. "It broke me."

How does she tell him? How can she let him know how scared she is of playing this game again with him? Because she's incredibly scared. And she doesn't want to lose him again—and sometimes she may want more out of whatever it was that they have. But she's scared to get too greedy, because it means she has more to lose.

They stood in silence for a while as he waits for her to calm down, and when she does, he ventures a step forward, a worried look worn. When she doesn't retreat, he tries to take another step, and she lets him. She doesn't know what it was, because she's scared, she is, but she wants to feel his touch again, to feel that warmth and that strength.

"Maya," she hears him say, her eyes looking at the ground, and her hands gripping the sides of his jacket tightly. "I'm so sorry."

He reaches out to touch her hands again, and she stays still, allowing his touch to stabilize her.

"I know that you're scared," he says as if reading her mind. "It scares me too. It scares the shit out of me because you're the one girl I can't afford to lose."

His words were like a warm breeze, overcoming the cold she feels around her. She lifts her head, and her eyes find his allowing herself to drown in their warmth.

"But we're older now, and we're better, and maybe, just maybe, a little wiser. I know that if I let you go again, I'll regret it for the rest of my life."

A warm and gentle hand cups her face, wiping the tears that were streaming from her eyes. "I'm scared, Josh. I want to, but I'm scared."

"Me too," he admits. "But that's okay. I'll be brave for the both of us. Just… just promise me you'll give this a chance? Maybe… maybe we deserve to be as happy as they are."

Her hand tightens its grip on his that's holding hers. "So, what? Are we going to play the long game again?"

He smiles, shaking his head. "No, I don't want to play the long game. I want to live life, and I want to live it with you."

She manages to smile at his words, slowly feeling a little more confident at the prospect of them. "Are you sure we'll be any better at this?"

He laughs. "We have a high learning curve, so I think we'll be fine."

It was in the silence that came after, when he was giving her a reassuring smile and holding her hand tightly like his life depended on it while his other hand had gently fallen on her neck, that she realized what it was like to purposively jump and knowingly fall.

He pulled her in for a kiss, much different from the first time they shared one together. His lips were as gentle as she'd remember, the contact sent jolts all over her body, and she felt like they were meant to fit together the way they did. It wasn't driven by hormonal desire or longing. It was deeper, and more meaningful, like it was coming home after a very long and turbulent journey.

She supposed this is where she was always meant to be, in his arms, because despite everything that made her think that their 'someday' will never come, somehow they managed to fall back into each other every step of the way. And while it scares her, because being happy isn't something she's used to, she's going to make this work—that's her resolve.

* * *

 ** _Twenty-five_**

"Maya!" called Josh from the living room of Maya's apartment. They've been dating for more than a year now, and so far, neither of them has ran away—he takes it as a promising sign. "They're in the hospital already, let's go."

He can hear Maya groan from her bed. "It's not my fault the baby decided to come out while we were _busy_."

This makes him grin, as her statement makes memories of earlier hours flow into his mind.

"Plus, isn't the baby due next week? Why is it coming out now?" she complains.

"I'm pretty sure the baby gets to choose," he responds as he sees her coming out of the bedroom in a plain black tank top and high waist jeans, matched with a leather jacket and boots, and her hair in a high bun.

"Yeah, well someone should have told him to wait."

He laughs. "Come on, Riley's probably needing your moral support right now."

"Okay, okay. Let's go, Boing."

"Wait," he pulls her as she's about to turn the door knob, making her face him. She raises a curious brow. "Have I told you that you look gorgeous?"

"Not nearly enough," she responds with a grin as he pulls her in for a kiss. The truth was, he tells her more than enough (sometimes in French), but she'll never be tired of hearing it.

"I love you," he whispers over her lips when he breaks the kiss. She'll never be tired of hearing that too.

"I love you," she says back. She'll never be tired of saying that either.

 ** _End_**

Inspirations:

" _Anchor Me Back Down"_ by daisyjohnson

" _Tenerife Sea"_ by Ed Sheeran (obvs)

"How A Resurrection Really Feels" – One Tree Hill 3x09

"The Show Must Go On" – One Tree Hill 3x22

"You're in love with him, and he's in love with you, and it's like a goddamn tragedy. Because you look at him and see the stars, and he looks at you and sees the sun, and you both think the other is just looking at the ground." –Unknown (if you do know who the actual quote came from let me know!)


End file.
